breakingawayfromrelationshipnorms

Everything is #@%!ed [Book Review]

One of the key tenets that I tell my clients is that you need to be in a good dating state of mind in order to meet someone new. After reading Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope (which you can purchase by clicking on the book cover and the bonus of fueling this blog), by Mark Manson. I can now go much deeper with what that means. Having a good dating state of mind is not about just being positive, and putting your best foot forward. Instead, it is about being realistic with who you are and having a firm grasp on what hope means to you, and more, understanding that sometimes life sucks and you’re OK with that.

How does that help you find the person of your dreams? Quite simply, opening yourself up to another person is tough. And it is even tougher if you are simply putting on a happy face for show. And being in place where you react with your emotions alone makes you more vulnerable to feeling hopeless when things don’t go your way.

This book is an incredibly simple read, and the third of his three books I have read (so a big fan and I will be doing a review on Models as the number self help book for men I coach!) If you have ever felt that life is just not fair. Or that you keep wishing and hoping for good things but they just aren’t happening, then this is the eye opener you need to read. Learning to accept life as it is. To be present in the moment, understanding that pain is the universal constant, and that is OK. And more to the point to give you a direct path to have a better life right now, instead of just waiting for it to happen once you find the one.

As always, Mark Manson talks in a relatable voice, with humour, and down to earth language, even when referencing Plato, Kant, and Nietzsche (which is not easy to do). So I highly recommend this book as an integral part of getting your best self out into the dating scene!

Online Dating Tips, Reading List

Sapiens: A Book Review

Making a great first impression is such an important factor in today’s dating world. And yes, you could chat about what you’re watching on Netflix, by why not wow them, by talking about an incredible book? (which you can purchase right through my site which helps fuel this blog by clicking on the above link) Sapiens is a very simple read, and I pretty much guaranteed that with the diversity of subjects it touches on you will find something engaging to talk about!

For example, did you know where our monetary system evolved from? Or how about the ever interesting subject of why Sapiens are the dominant species? A little too dry for you? Ok, how about just the wonder of exploring why we even exist and what role Cyborgs could play in our future?

A brief history, will touch on something meaningful to you, and give you ample opportunity to show off your intellect far beyond what the latest episode of Stranger Things will. This in an honest and thoughtful look at our evolution and asks some pretty open ended questions in the process.

So, if you are ready to stand out, I would highly recommend Sapiens! And if you really love it, there is a sequel too which I will purchasing shortly!

Happy reading! And of course, happy dating!

Are you ready to kick your dating life into high gear? Why not reach out? I offer one on one coaching, as well as provide a host of resources to give you that edge in the dating market. Contact me today to learn more.

Blog Post, Reading List

A Natural History of Love (Book Review)

Are you ready to learn the history of love and improve your dating game or current understanding the evolution of attraction? Do you love learning through poetry or have interest in the science and neurophysiology behind your desire to cuddle? Then might I recommend picking up a copy of A Natural History of Love: Author of the National Bestseller A Natural History of the Senses” by Diana Ackerman (Which you can purchase directly through my affiliate link above!) Where as my last book review on Why Gentlemen Prefer Blonds is a fun and simple read, this delves much deeper into the emotional, while still maintaining strong scientific support.

This book began as a beautiful journey through historical literature in all things love, including dandies throughout our past and the impact they had on relationships and women. Then it shifts to the erotics of love, and delving into our love customs. It’s a beautiful and inspirational journey that I highly recommend. It definitely has its base in science, but is portrayed in an elegant way, surprising you at the end about how much you have learned in the process.

Because of the rhythmic nature of the book I rate this an easy read for those well versed in reading poetry, and a moderate read for those who are not (which is the group I fall into). So pick up your copy today for some before bed reading or perhaps in a relaxing bubble bath!

Stay tuned for the next review geared to help you date, love and succeed in relationships!

Blog Post, Guest Blogs, Money and Relationships

Money and Relationships [Guest Post]

In any solid relationship, the key foundation is excellent communication. But there is one area that I see couples struggle with time and time again, and that is when it comes to talking about money and financial matters. The statistics around divorce rates clearly indicate that money is the number one cause, with infidelity a very close second. Why is this so often the case? Quite simply, we as a society are very poor at discussing our financial situations with anyone, including our spouses.

This guest post, perfectly sums up the angst and questioning when it comes to money and relationships. Please note that the link contains images that are NSFW (Not safe for work).

Money and Relationships (NSFW)

So if you, or anyone you know are suffering from the relationship burden of finances, please know that you are not alone. Help is available. We are all in this together and need to end the stigma around talking about our finances.

Blog Post, Reading List

Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blonds? [Book Review]

This was one of the most surprisingly informative reads of my summer (click on the link to purchase)! Not only was this book a simple and fun read, filled with humor and clever stories, it was incredibly well researched and study supported. Written by a biologist, Jena Pincott’s writing style allows you to read from cover to cover, or just scan through and read the parts of interest to you.

And what may you find in that? Well, if you’re single, it will explain the biological triggers for attraction from auditory, to oral, and of course visual. If your in a relationship, it helps explain why your partner is the one. Both by covering the clever ways our bodies choose who to procreate with, and the hormones and perhaps even pheromones that are present when selecting our forever mate.

But more than that, it is filled with tips and tricks to present yourself in the best possible light for attraction. And seriously, who doesn’t need that from time to time, right?

A highly entertaining and informative read that I would highly recommend you pick up today (and there is a handy image to purchase from amazon right at the top of the page!). So have fun learning about yourself, your prospects and even your partner if that applies to you, on a biological level.

Stay tuned for the next book review coming soon…

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Online Dating Isn’t a Playground…

Whereby the game is simply to be noticed by any means necessary! Have you ever opened a message with “hey” or “how are you?”. What about sending a funny meme online to a public forum just to get some conversation going? Have you ever matched with someone, only to play the endless waiting game, hoping the person on the other end will message first? How’s that working out for you?

Chances are it’s not, and that you’re still single. And here’s why. Online dating is saturated with people who don’t know how to use it. The singles pool is filled with lonely individuals who are so frustrated that any attention is good attention, even if it isn’t (such as the dick pictures). We become so frustrated that we are single we resort to the playground mentality of being thankful for any human interaction even if it entails being yelled at or blocked. It doesn’t make a lot of sense when you think about it, but misery, depression and loneliness does some pretty weird things to our psyche.

Online dating if done correctly can be an amazing opportunity to meet people. I met my partner on Plenty of Fish nearly 8 years ago. And I have countless friends who are married and starting families all thanks to online dating. And do you know what they all had in common? They weren’t on there just to get attention. They were there with intent and purpose. Meaning, they thought about their messages before sending. They envisioned the reaction they would get, and if it didn’t work (which is never does the first few times), they would re-evaluate, and try something new. By putting the scientific method of hypothesis, experimenting, checking your results and then rinse and repeat until you get it right, many of my nearest and dearest are happily in love.

So stop playing games online. Think before you type something. Imagine the response you want to get, and dating with purpose and intent.

For an easy to use guide on just how to send that first message, and interaction download this easy to use guide today! Or to book an initial consultation for one on one coaching please e-mail, ghislaine9999@gmail.com (In Person and Online Sessions Available).

Blog Post, Reading List

The Art of Seduction [Book Review]

Robert Greene has been my favorite author for well over 15 years and The Art of Seduction is one of the very few books that I have read front to back more than twice. And also, why I chose to place a link to purchase right at the top of this post (from amazon)! While the title may lead you to think this is a pick up book, the reality is far from it. This book pinpoints, in historical and modern detail, something quite necessary, who we attract and who attracts us! From rake to temptress and beyond, the author provocatively, describes historical figures who best exemplify each seduction type/personality. It’s a completely eye opening way of viewing your romantic partners past and present, and more importantly what skills you employ in your own quest to find love.

I adore this book for a number of reasons, but my favorite moment was when I read the chapter that best described how I seduce, or flirt with people. It’s an exhilarating rush, reading about yourself, and pinpointing the depth to which your personal reach can go, and the influences that seduction type has had on our history! Luckier still are those who have employed more than one seduction type and can relate to a few different ways of finding love!

Why do I recommend this book to all the singles I coach so highly? It is an in depth exploration of seduction. It shows who gets the fire burning in our own bellies, and who we in turn do the same to. It shows the power of flirtation, seduction and the positive ways you can employ this amazing gift to intrigue, fall in love, and most important, keep things interesting and passionate in a long term relationship! Just writing this post makes me want to go and re-read it again!

To know someone else, you first have to know yourself. This book hits the nail on the head when it comes to seduction and love types. It is not a short read, but the way it is set up you can choose to go back to the anecdotes in the margins, or just skip to the chapters that you find most relate able. So for anyone looking for some insight on their own personal sexual power, or seductive capabilities, I highly recommend The Art of Seduction!

Reading List

The Game [Book Review] and Why This Book is Critical to Read in the Dating World

As a dating and relationship coach there is one quintessential book that every one of my male clients has heard of or read themselves, and that is The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss. And after reading the book, I can absolutely see why. So much so, that I encourage you to click on the book cover at the bottom of the page to get your copy off of Amazon today! Inside the gold leafed pages are insights into a world where looks do not matter, in the quest to get laid. All that is required is your unwavering dedication to the rule of Pick up and the games that lay within. There is a formulaic way, for even those suffering from intense shyness or a complete lack of confidence to proceed into the world of women and start collecting digits.

The author delves deep into the secret society, becoming lost in the charms and basically becoming overwhelmed by the power unleashed by the seduction techniques. And it is quite a journey, that requires complete dedication to the art form that masters before had created. The art of seduction and pick up.

Now why as a dating coach would I recommend a book like this, considering I firmly believe in one on one coaching and a no one size fits all approach to relationships? Honestly, because many of these skills and techniques if approached ethically and with the intent of doing no harm, can bolster a persons confidence. By following tried and true methodology it takes away the fear of approaching a stranger. It gives a script to follow, and what remains is a sense of accomplishment and a surprising feeling of “hey, that wasn’t so bad”.

And for all you ladies, I believe this book is valuable for you to read as well. Knowing the tricks and techniques that men have employed over the decades is absolutely eye opening. Men have ended careers in the pursuit of women, and this book shows exactly how they accomplished that, and why. And if you’re like me, and ever suspect some guy in a bar used a pick up line on you in a bar, this book will most likely validate that suspicion.

So, pick up your copy today, and learn what some many before have learned before, that The Game is not for the feint of heart!

Blog Post

Once a Cheater Always a Cheater…?

This phrase has become so commonplace that I don’t think we even give it a second thought. If a person has been cheated on, we use it to make them feel better. If a person admits to cheating, it becomes the rationalization to never forgive, become distrustful and often times sever the relationship. But is that really fair? Has this term become such a cliche that we have forgotten that every single relationship and circumstance has its own story and more than that, 2 sides?

Let’s consider the young, dumb, horny teenager who cheated on their first partner when drunk. Are they forever now burdened with the title of a cheater because they made a juvenile mistake? Are they allowed to grow, develop and mature from the experience and possibly move on? Or is it like the bad tattoo that must follow them forever?

What about women who after birthing 4 beautiful children has put on weight and her partner no longer finds her attractive? Is she to be labelled a cheater for life when she in desperation found comfort from a co-worker that one time? The one indiscretion that allowed her to go and face her family with a smile on her face for the first time in a decade? She didn’t sign up for celibacy and at the same time does not want to destroy her family. And she vows it will never happen again. Do we believe her? Or is she doomed to suffer and have her marriage crumble beneath her?

The thing is, labeling someone a cheater is never so clear cut as we want it to be. If you have ever been cheated on, or have cheated in the past and you are having troubles moving on, I can help you move past the indiscretion and learn how to love yourself and others again. It’s time to find forgiveness and become whole again.

Krys

ghislaine9999@gmail.com

Blog Post

Relationship Advice From Your Friends…A Common Mistake

When you were last heartbroken, what was the first thing that you did? Most likely you went to your best friend for consolation, venting and a drink. And almost every single time, what do they tell you at some point in the night? That they knew the person wasn’t for you, that they saw a red flag and you can do so much better now that you are alone. And you feel comforted by this. It’s for the best and you can now start the healing process.

The problem with this though, if your friend saw these red flags, why didn’t they tell you about them beforehand? Perhaps if your friend had been honest about their concerns you could have even addressed them with your partner and maybe worked on them. And when you receive that wisdom do you ask them their qualifications? Are they in a loving, healthy relationship? What’s more, if you had concerns of your own prior to your breakup did you even know how to bring them up? To work on them? Do you have the ability to ask for your need or wants? Do you know how to listen in the future?

Have you ever felt like you were just surviving in a relationship? That you just didn’t want to rock the boat and you knew if you brought a specific topic up you would be single again? This is not a healthy way to live. A loving partnership is just that, a partnership. Where two people can talk about their problems, even when they include their own relationship. And work together to find solutions, compromises and come out strong on the other side.

Want to learn how to actually accomplish that? Contact me today to set up your initial consultation! ghislaine9999@gmail.com