Blog Post, Dating and Relationships

Spicing Things up for Couples in Long Term Relationships

One of the things that comes up with coaching couples and those in long term relationships is the idea of things getting stale. There are so many reasons for a long term partnership to feel like it’s fading: empty nesters, growing apart, career changes, and that just naming a few. You may wake up one morning, and ask yourself “who am I”? And then you look across the room, and feel that there is a stranger lying in your bed. It happens, and if you’re feeling this, know that you are not alone.

Sometimes, it feels easier to just start over, than it does to work through the problems the can feel insurmountable. In your mind, you’ve said it all, and felt it all and yet, that spark is gone. And chances are that your partner has felt it too. Either a shared feeling of emptiness, or the isolating feeling that they must be doing something wrong. Before we go any further, I need you to know that whatever you are feeling, right now, in this moment it is valid. And now, it is time to do something about it.

Perhaps it is something simple, like planning a little getaway, and re-kindling that intimate spark. When you both are present, outside of your everyday stress, things might just fall into place. Maybe you just both need a little sexy nudge, with some wine, a bubble bath, or perhaps you do something extra fun and take an intimacy quiz together, such as The Couples Sex Quiz (with both a free and paid version available and I don’t only recommend because it’s an affiliate link, it’s something I have used myself!). Whatever you decide to do, if it’s together, and you are both smiling and happy, then rejoice!

But, as many of us know, there are times when running away is no longer an option. And if you find yourself in that position, then it’s time to talk, and create a real plan of action for your relationship and your future. Together we will create an actionable plan for moving forward, increasing your communication skills, and answering that all important question, “who are you”, and “what do you need to be happy”.

If you’re ready to break away from the stagnant, then reach out to schedule your free 30 minute consultation today. And if you’re not ready to take that step, then feel free to look around my site where I will be posting blog posts, articles, book recommendation and more. And if you’re in YYC, stay tuned for some in person relationship rescue events TBA!

And remember, Love is Love and we all deserve to be heard!

Blog Post, Dating and Relationships, Who Am I

Re-Launch of Breaking Away from Relationship Norms!!!

Dating and Relationship Coaching

Puzzle pieces with monogamy, non-monogamy, and mismatched relationships written on them.

I am so excited, nervous, and overall proud to announce that I am relaunching my dating and relationship coaching business. Over the past few months I received some shiny new credentials, re-vamped my website, and even started an Instagram page dedicated to all things dating, relationships, sex positive, and everything that I think embodies my brand Breaking Away. I knew one day I would get back here, I just didn’t anticipate that it would happen so quickly, but c’est la vie right?!?

So, what does this look like? I am offering free 30 minute virtual sessions to assess if I am the right coach to help you achieve the wants/needs/questions you might have in your current relationship, or for your future relationships. If our initial consultation goes well, then I will send you an intake form that will tell you a bit more of the process, get some of the pesky legal jargon out of the way, while providing information for the next step, booking your first virtual session with me! Our sessions typically range from 45 – 60 minutes (with couples couching ranging from 60 – 90 minutes), and together we will start working towards your unique and specific goals; building stronger communication skills, creating a path for more meaningful connections, providing resources when appropriate, and all with the knowledge that our sessions will be completely confidential.

My passion has always been people, relationships, and the quest for love. When I first launched this business in 2017, I thought I had it all figured out. Funny enough, life had different plans for me, and I had to do some soul searching, write a book (non yet published), and fall in love (with the man of my dreams) to finally reach the place where I could fully help others. Life’s a journey, and I am no stranger to the strange little quirks and deviations that it can throw our way. I like to think that I made every relationship mistake in the book, so that no one else has to, but as it turns out, we learn the most from making little mis-steps here and there. And I have learned it is much easier to navigate these situations with a trusted confident by your side, which of course I hope will be me!

Breaking away from relationship norms, is a term that has re-defined itself in my mind, time and time again. It is open ended, evolving, and most importantly, it is one that has many forms, just like the modern relationship. My expertise lies in infidelity, non-monogamy, and helping individuals and couples regain their voice in their relationships. That being said, I am currently in a loving and happy monogamous relationship, so just like my brand, I have experienced my own form of metamorphosis. There is no normal when it comes to people, or how we love, and I believe that needs to be celebrated, but sometimes that’s hard to do without a guiding hand. I have explored the complexities of love for decades, so know you are not alone, no matter how isolating it can sometimes feel, or just uncertain. We don’t have playbook for relationships, but we do have coaches, who can help us see the truth of what’s really going on in our lives.

So if you are ready to find your own bliss, rekindle the passion, or just need help finding your voice in your current relationship, I would love to hear from you using this handy little contact me form.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Krys

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Online Openers: Job Interview Rule of Thumb

Online Dating Tips

In Canada, we have a few questions that an interviewer is not allowed to ask, by law. Such things as age, race, gender, smoker, and basically anything that could disqualify a person from completing a task that have nothing to do with ability. As a person who has hired a fair amount of people in my life, knowing that there are forbidden questions allows me to focus on a persons traits, experience, and of course personality fit for the required position. To re-iterate, it allows me to gain insight into them as a worker rather than allowing any prejudices or misconceptions to cloud my judgment. And in today’s day and age, there is zero reason that the same line of thinking should not be extended to an online dating opener.

Opening a message with “are you half black?” or “have you ever been with a well endowed male?” (both real examples from my last week of online dating alone) do not make for very good conversation starters. Not only are these yes or no questions, but they are questions that just don’t have any merit for setting up a first meeting. If these factors are important to who you are as an individual, by all means write about them in a positive way on your profile. But the whole point of a first message is to get a dialogue started. Asking these forbidden interview questions is a sure fire way to stop things before they ever get started.

Don’t alienate something that could be amazing based on your prejudices. In fact, the best success stories often come from taking a risk on someone that is outside of your norm. And the same is true about the hiring process. Pre-determined no’s close us off to new experiences, people, and basically a whole lot of amazing adventures. So retire the notion of just getting something out of the way in your opening message. Try instead an open ended question, and get that other person to start engaging with you rather than shutting you down.

For more online dating tips, please check out my online dating tips blog section!

Blog Post, Guest Blogs, Non-monogamy, Online Dating Tips

Guest Post: Finding People in Non-Monogamy

Ever wonder how you actually find other Non-monogamous people?  This post goes into some of the best tried and true methods to find like minded non-monogamous individuals.  So whether you are looking to Swing, Date, or more, this piece has tips for where the non-monogamous gather.

Click here to read on…

Reading List

The Origins of Sex [Book Review]

(affiliate link)

This book, was not what I was expecting, and taught me so much about the evolution of our sexual laws, thinking, and how we have addressed sexual preferences throughout the ages.  While this book was a challenging level read (and you can purchase right through this handy link on amazon to support this blog) after about a third of the way in, I couldn’t put it down.

The origins of prostitution, and the ways the legal system tried to control it could have been a book in of itself.  And interlaced with this was how we have legally and through societal norms dealt with homosexuality, marriage, and the reformation of women.  What I found incredibly fascinating was this constant shift between males and females as seducer, and then helpless to the other ones wiles.  Our views of sexuality and gender roles have been anything but a straight laced evolution and this meticulously researched book offers nearly 80 pages of notes and additional resources.

So, why then endorse this on a relationship and communication building blog?  Quite simply, the more we know about the history of sex, and our attitudes towards our sexuality, the better prepared we are to handle what this modern dating world throws at us.  History is the very foundation on which we build our societal norms.  And knowing how we have failed at controlling prostitutes, women, and even pornography in the past is one eye opening way of accepting it in our future.  The more we control, the more we set ourselves up for failure, and the sexual revolution is no exception.

So, if you want to wow your next date with the real history behind The Origins of Sex, this book is now on sale, and is a incredible read!

Blog Post, Guest Blogs, Non-monogamy

Guest Post – How do I bring up Non-monogamy?

As the term non-monogamy becomes more mainstream, (with an estimated 20% of the US population having tried some form of non-monogamy according to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy published in 2016) the question often gets asked, how do you bring up non-monogamy to a partner, especially that first time? Whether you just want to have a discussion and see what your partner thinks of the whole thing, or if the idea of swinging, polyamory, or opening up your relationship has crossed your mind, you are not alone. After nearly a decade of researching, blogging, podcasting, and coaching singles and couples I have definitely learned a few things that have worked more consistently than others, and of course the what not to do’s.

As an aside, if you have already tried having the conversation and feel like you just crashed and burned, don’t worry. That is how my first open relationship started and I am still here learning, growing, and expanding my knowledge. While at times I wanted desperately to pretend I had never heard the term “open relationship” there was no going back for me. Pandora’s box had been opened, and the depth to which I love myself, and those around me would not have been possible without the term being introduced into my life, no matter how it happened. And with my partner we learned to be patient, loving, supportive, and figure out what made us both tick, and you can learn all these things too. I truly believe that there is no one size fits all relationship norm, and thus, I have written this article to be inclusive of any gender or relationship style outside of monogamy. And, if this is your first foray and you have no clue where to even begin, you have definitely come to the right place! So, let’s dive right into having that taboo conversation with a loved one, for the first time.

What Do You Want?

Before you can even entertain the thought of bringing up anything outside of monogamy to your partner, it is important that you first ask yourself what it is that you want. Why are you bringing up this “taboo” subject in the first place? What is your motivation, fantasy, or desired outcome? What do you envision a non-monogamous relationship will look like? Or even, what it could look like?

To Continue reading please click here…

Blog Post, Reading List

Everything is #@%!ed [Book Review]

One of the key tenets that I tell my clients is that you need to be in a good dating state of mind in order to meet someone new.  After reading Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope (which you can purchase by clicking on the book cover and the bonus of fueling this blog), by Mark Manson.  I can now go much deeper with what that means.  Having a good dating state of mind is not about just being positive, and putting your best foot forward.  Instead, it is about being realistic with who you are and having a firm grasp on what hope means to you, and more, understanding that sometimes life sucks and you’re OK with that.

How does that help you find the person of your dreams?  Quite simply, opening yourself up to another person is tough.  And it is even tougher if you are simply putting on a happy face for show.  And being in place where you react with your emotions alone makes you more vulnerable to feeling hopeless when things don’t go your way.

This book is an incredibly simple read, and the third of his three books I have read (so a big fan and I will be doing a review on Models as the number self help book for men I coach!)  If you have ever felt that life is just not fair.  Or that you keep wishing and hoping for good things but they just aren’t happening, then this is the eye opener you need to read.  Learning to accept life as it is.  To be present in the moment, understanding that pain is the universal constant, and that is OK.  And more to the point to give you a direct path to have a better life right now, instead of just waiting for it to happen once you find the one.

As always, Mark Manson talks in a relatable voice, with humour, and down to earth language, even when referencing Plato, Kant, and Nietzsche (which is not easy to do).  So I highly recommend this book as an integral part of getting your best self out into the dating scene!

Online Dating Tips, Reading List

Sapiens: A Book Review

Making a great first impression is such an important factor in today’s dating world.  And yes, you could chat about what you’re watching on Netflix, by why not wow them, by talking about an incredible book? (which you can purchase right through my site which helps fuel this blog by clicking on the above link)  Sapiens is a very simple read, and I pretty much guaranteed that with the diversity of subjects it touches on you will find something engaging to talk about!

For example, did you know where our monetary system evolved from?  Or how about the ever interesting subject of why Sapiens are the dominant species?  A little too dry for you?  Ok, how about just the wonder of exploring why we even exist and what role Cyborgs could play in our future?

A brief history, will touch on something meaningful to you, and give you ample opportunity to show off your intellect far beyond what the latest episode of Stranger Things will.  This in an honest and thoughtful look at our evolution and asks some pretty open ended questions in the process.

So, if you are ready to stand out, I would highly recommend Sapiens!  And if you really love it, there is a sequel too which I will purchasing shortly!

Happy reading! And of course, happy dating!

Are you ready to kick your dating life into high gear?  Why not reach out?  I offer one on one coaching, as well as provide a host of resources to give you that edge in the dating market.  Contact me today to learn more.

Blog Post, Reading List

A Natural History of Love (Book Review)

Are you ready to learn the history of love and improve your dating game or current understanding the evolution of attraction? Do you love learning through poetry or have interest in the science and neurophysiology behind your desire to cuddle? Then might I recommend picking up a copy of A Natural History of Love: Author of the National Bestseller A Natural History of the Senses” by Diana Ackerman (Which you can purchase directly through my affiliate link above!) Where as my last book review on Why Gentlemen Prefer Blonds is a fun and simple read, this delves much deeper into the emotional, while still maintaining strong scientific support.

This book began as a beautiful journey through historical literature in all things love, including dandies throughout our past and the impact they had on relationships and women. Then it shifts to the erotics of love, and delving into our love customs. It’s a beautiful and inspirational journey that I highly recommend. It definitely has its base in science, but is portrayed in an elegant way, surprising you at the end about how much you have learned in the process.

Because of the rhythmic nature of the book I rate this an easy read for those well versed in reading poetry, and a moderate read for those who are not (which is the group I fall into).  So pick up your copy today for some before bed reading or perhaps in a relaxing bubble bath!

Stay tuned for the next review geared to help you date, love and succeed in relationships!