Blog Post, Reading List

Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blonds? [Book Review]

This was one of the most surprisingly informative reads of my summer (click on the link to purchase)!  Not only was this book a simple and fun read, filled with humor and clever stories, it was incredibly well researched and study supported.  Written by a biologist, Jena Pincott’s writing style allows you to read from cover to cover, or just scan through and read the parts of interest to you.

And what may you find in that? Well, if you’re single, it will explain the biological triggers for attraction from auditory, to oral, and of course visual.  If your in a relationship, it helps explain why your partner is the one.  Both by covering the clever ways our bodies choose who to procreate with, and the hormones and perhaps even pheromones that are present when selecting our forever mate.

But more than that, it is filled with tips and tricks to present yourself in the best possible light for attraction.  And seriously, who doesn’t need that from time to time, right?

A highly entertaining and informative read that I would highly recommend you pick up today (and there is a handy image to purchase from amazon right at the top of the page!).  So have fun learning about yourself, your prospects and even your partner if that applies to you, on a biological level.

Stay tuned for the next book review coming soon…

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Online Dating Isn’t a Playground…

Whereby the game is simply to be noticed by any means necessary!  Have you ever opened a message with “hey” or  “how are you?”.  What about sending a funny meme online to a public forum just to get some conversation going?  Have you ever matched with someone, only to play the endless waiting game, hoping the person on the other end will message first?  How’s that working out for you?

Chances are it’s not, and that you’re still single.  And here’s why.  Online dating is saturated with people who don’t know how to use it.   The singles pool is filled with lonely individuals who are so frustrated that any attention is good attention, even if it isn’t (such as the dick pictures).  We become so frustrated that we are single we resort to the playground mentality of being thankful for any human interaction even if it entails being yelled at or blocked.  It doesn’t make a lot of sense when you think about it, but misery, depression and loneliness does some pretty weird things to our psyche.

Online dating if done correctly can be an amazing opportunity to meet people.  I met my partner on Plenty of Fish nearly 8 years ago.  And I have countless friends who are married and starting families all thanks to online dating.  And do you know what they all had in common?  They weren’t on there just to get attention.  They were there with intent and purpose.  Meaning, they thought about their messages before sending.  They envisioned the reaction they would get, and if it didn’t work (which is never does the first few times), they would re-evaluate, and try something new.   By putting the scientific method of hypothesis, experimenting, checking your results and then rinse and repeat until you get it right, many of my nearest and dearest are happily in love.

So stop playing games online.  Think before you type something.  Imagine the response you want to get, and dating with purpose and intent.

For an easy to use guide on just how to send that first message, and interaction download this easy to use guide today!  Or to book an initial consultation for one on one coaching please e-mail, ghislaine9999@gmail.com (In Person and Online Sessions Available).

Blog Post, Reading List

The Art of Seduction [Book Review]

Robert Greene has been my favorite author for well over 15 years and The Art of Seduction is one of the very few books that I have read front to back more than twice.  And also, why I chose to place a link to purchase right at the top of this post (from amazon)!  While the title may lead you to think this is a pick up book, the reality is far from it.  This book pinpoints, in historical and modern detail, something quite necessary, who we attract and who attracts us!  From rake to temptress and beyond, the author provocatively, describes historical figures who best exemplify each seduction type/personality.  It’s a completely eye opening way of viewing your romantic partners past and present, and more importantly what skills you employ in your own quest to find love.

I adore this book for a number of reasons, but my favorite moment was when I read the chapter that best described how I seduce, or flirt with people.  It’s an exhilarating rush, reading about yourself, and pinpointing the depth to which your personal reach can go, and the influences that seduction type has had on our history!  Luckier still are those who have employed more than one seduction type and can relate to a few different ways of finding love!

Why do I recommend this book to all the singles I coach so highly?  It is an in depth exploration of seduction.  It shows who gets the fire burning in our own bellies, and who we in turn do the same to.  It shows the power of flirtation, seduction and the positive ways you can employ this amazing gift to intrigue, fall in love, and most important, keep things interesting and passionate in a long term relationship!  Just writing this post makes me want to go and re-read it again!

To know someone else, you first have to know yourself.  This book hits the nail on the head when it comes to seduction and love types.  It is not a short read, but the way it is set up you can choose to go back to the anecdotes in the margins, or just skip to the chapters that you find most relate able.  So for anyone looking for some insight on their own personal sexual power, or seductive capabilities, I highly recommend The Art of Seduction!

Reading List

The Game [Book Review] and Why This Book is Critical to Read in the Dating World

As a dating and relationship coach there is one quintessential book that every one of my male clients has heard of or read themselves, and that is The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss.  And after reading the book, I can absolutely see why.  So much so, that I encourage you to click on the book cover at the bottom of the page to get your copy off of Amazon today!  Inside the gold leafed pages are insights into a world where looks do not matter, in the quest to get laid.  All that is required is your unwavering dedication to the rule of Pick up and the games that lay within.   There is a formulaic way, for even those suffering from intense shyness or a complete lack of confidence to proceed into the world of women and start collecting digits.

The author delves deep into the secret society, becoming lost in the charms and basically becoming overwhelmed by the power unleashed by the seduction techniques.  And it is quite a journey, that requires complete dedication to the art form that masters before had created.  The art of seduction and pick up.

Now why as a dating coach would I recommend a book like this, considering I firmly believe in one on one coaching and a no one size fits all approach to relationships?  Honestly, because many of these skills and techniques if approached ethically and with the intent of doing no harm, can bolster a persons confidence.  By following tried and true methodology it takes away the fear of approaching a stranger.  It gives a script to follow, and what remains is a sense of accomplishment and a surprising feeling of “hey, that wasn’t so bad”.

And for all you ladies, I believe this book is valuable for you to read as well.  Knowing the tricks and techniques that men have employed over the decades is absolutely eye opening.  Men have ended careers in the pursuit of women, and this book shows exactly how they accomplished that, and why.  And if you’re like me, and ever suspect some guy in a bar used a pick up line on you in a bar, this book will most likely validate that suspicion.

So, pick up your copy today, and learn what some many before have learned before, that The Game is not for the feint of heart!

Blog Post

Once a Cheater Always a Cheater…?

This phrase has become so commonplace that I don’t think we even give it a second thought.  If a person has been cheated on, we use it to make them feel better.  If a person admits to cheating, it becomes the rationalization to never forgive, become distrustful and often times sever the relationship.  But is that really fair?  Has this term become such a cliche that we have forgotten that every single relationship and circumstance has its own story and more than that, 2 sides?

Let’s consider the young, dumb, horny teenager who cheated on their first partner when drunk.  Are they forever now burdened with the title of a cheater because they made a juvenile mistake?  Are they allowed to grow, develop and mature from the experience and possibly move on?  Or is it like the bad tattoo that must follow them forever?

What about women who after birthing 4 beautiful children has put on weight and her partner no longer finds her attractive?  Is she to be labelled a cheater for life when she in desperation found comfort from a co-worker that one time?  The one indiscretion that allowed her to go and face her family with a smile on her face for the first time in a decade?  She didn’t sign up for celibacy and at the same time does not want to destroy her family.  And she vows it will never happen again.  Do we believe her?  Or is she doomed to suffer and have her marriage crumble beneath her?

The thing is, labeling someone a cheater is never so clear cut as we want it to be.  If you have ever been cheated on, or have cheated in the past and you are having troubles moving on, I can help you move past the indiscretion and learn how to love yourself and others again.  It’s time to find forgiveness and become whole again.

Krys

ghislaine9999@gmail.com

Blog Post

Relationship Advice From Your Friends…A Common Mistake

When you were last heartbroken, what was the first thing that you did?  Most likely you went to your best friend for consolation, venting and a drink.  And almost every single time, what do they tell you at some point in the night?  That they knew the person wasn’t for you, that they saw a red flag and you can do so much better now that you are alone.  And you feel comforted by this.  It’s for the best and you can now start the healing process.

The problem with this though, if your friend saw these red flags, why didn’t they tell you about them beforehand?  Perhaps if your friend had been honest about their concerns you could have even addressed them with your partner and maybe worked on them.  And when you receive that wisdom do you ask them their qualifications?  Are they in a loving, healthy relationship?  What’s more, if you had concerns of your own prior to your breakup did you even know how to bring them up?  To work on them?  Do you have the ability to ask for your need or wants?  Do you know how to listen in the future?

Have you ever felt like you were just surviving in a relationship?  That you just didn’t want to rock the boat and you knew if you brought a specific topic up you would be single again?  This is not a healthy way to live. A loving partnership is just that, a partnership.  Where two people can talk about their problems, even when they include their own relationship.  And work together to find solutions, compromises and come out strong on the other side.

Want to learn how to actually accomplish that?  Contact me today to set up your initial consultation!  ghislaine9999@gmail.com

 

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Online Dating: The Woman Who Message First

Over the past few weeks I have been getting a large number of messages from women.  I am not sure why, but I sure appreciate it.  Now that I have a little more information to go off, I am boldly going to make a comparative statement of opening online dating messages.  Woman rarely make the first move other than a timid like.  This may be why the pool of users on Bumble is so low.  And when we do, and I am including myself here for fairness and honesty, it is usually terribly awkward or just plain lackluster.  Of all the messages I have received from women the only ones noteworthy are from those just looking to be friends.  You see, they have nothing to lose in being themselves.  This reality hurts my little feelings.  But there, I said it.  Woman’s openers when they are looking for anything more than friendship, are terrible.  “Hey there”, “you’re cute”, and “I just thought I would say a quick hi” are a few examples.

And while we are on the topic women, “hi” is a terrible opener.  I don’t know if we do it just to test the water and see if someone really is on the other end.  Or perhaps we are shy.  Or maybe just spineless and cannot handle another rejection.  But seriously, we can do better.  If we expect guys to be clever, to read our profiles and come up with something not copy and pasted, then guess what?  We have to give back too.  I know how excited men get when a woman messages first.  So, do yourself a favor and say something funny, clever, or interesting.  Do to men what we want them to do to us.

Now once a conversation miraculously gets going, there is room for improvement in the first few lines.  Women, seem to treat online dating like an interview.  It is question, after question after question.  Whereby men, make a surprising amount of statements.  Statements that seem to have no forethought as to where the recipient is supposed to go with the conversation.  With women, I can barely keep up with the questions, and have to take a deep breath to ensure I take the time to ask questions back.  With men on the other hand, I am constantly trying to fuel a conversation, or fight to keep it flowing.

So here I have but a few suggestions for those initial online dating messages that should work for both sexes, and that is simply to be yourself.  The goal is to meet at some point, right?  Show some personality, take that ridiculously small risk.  You do not know the person on the other end so making mistakes is fine.  Test out the waters, test out some messages, try new things, try new approaches and this does not mean practice your small talk!  I would strongly recommend that you make a fake profile if you are struggling to figure out what to say.  Perhaps you could even try making one for the opposite gender that you are after and then try to have a conversation.  You may figure out a style of communication that is attractive and you want to start using yourself.  As we are losing the ability to communicate with humans, you may have to fake a scenario to educate yourself and put the shoe on the other foot so to speak.  Gain some insight from the other side to recognize what you are most definitely doing wrong if you cannot seem to get conversation going.

So, message someone your interested in, male or female, in a voice that works for you. And please, ladies, keep trying.  Keep messaging me, and I will do the same.  If we work together, maybe we can have some fun?

Do you want to learn more about how to make a great first impression?  Check out my Online Dating shop on Etsy!

 

 

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Dating Profiles and Avoiding Negativity

In a previous post I mentioned some things to avoid when it comes to online dating.  Now I want to share some useful information I have discovered when it comes to just getting started, and putting up your profile or preparing yourself to go out there and meet people.  The very important task of how do you sell yourself is something that successful people put thought into prior to dating.  It is important to ask how do you see yourself, what image are you portraying to those people around you, and the toughest one, do these two images actually represent who you want to be.

First impressions are important.  Yes, you can overcome a bad first impression, however it is easier to just put a great foot forward on the first try.  Who wants an even bigger challenge, when you can get it right the first time?  One of the first things I notice online, is if a guy or gal has negativity in their profile.  How fantastic is it when you meet someone for the first time and within seconds you get a sob story?  This person will become an object to avoid, for fear of being sucked down into that void of bleakness.  The same logic should apply when setting up your profile.  Do not have a list of things that you hate, and pet peeves, especially within the first few lines.  If you can take the time to spell out what you do not like, try putting the same effort into what you do like, or perhaps even love?

Also try to avoid statements that could spark a negative emotion.  For example saying that you hate online dating, could make the reader feel guilt for being online themselves looking for love.  Or by saying  this is the last time you are trying this because women/men are crazy.  Come on, this just leaves a bad taste in the readers mouth.  What are you going to talk about on your first date?  All the horror stories from online dating, finding out all the red flags of a person, only to realize that you found out nothing about a person’s passions, goals or aspirations in life.  You need to ignite a positive vibe, come up with something that an onlooker wants to find out more about.

These are not complex ideas, and yet more than half of the profiles I read if they get past the “will fill out later” have something bad to say in them.  And once you start getting a few people interested in you that you do not feel the same about, it is easy to start putting up walls to protect yourself.  I found my biggest surprise in E when I was online dating.  There are great and amazing people on there, you just have to ensure that you are one of them first and foremost.

Do you want to learn how to make a fantastic Online Dating Profile?  Click here!

If you liked this post, and want to read more, please check out Breaking Away From Monogamy blog.