Over the past few weeks I have been getting a large number of messages from women. I am not sure why, but I sure appreciate it. Now that I have a little more information to go off, I am boldly going to make a comparative statement of opening online dating messages. Woman rarely make the first move other than a timid like. This may be why the pool of users on Bumble is so low. And when we do, and I am including myself here for fairness and honesty, it is usually terribly awkward or just plain lackluster. Of all the messages I have received from women the only ones noteworthy are from those just looking to be friends. You see, they have nothing to lose in being themselves. This reality hurts my little feelings. But there, I said it. Woman’s openers when they are looking for anything more than friendship, are terrible. “Hey there”, “you’re cute”, and “I just thought I would say a quick hi” are a few examples.
And while we are on the topic women, “hi” is a terrible opener. I don’t know if we do it just to test the water and see if someone really is on the other end. Or perhaps we are shy. Or maybe just spineless and cannot handle another rejection. But seriously, we can do better. If we expect guys to be clever, to read our profiles and come up with something not copy and pasted, then guess what? We have to give back too. I know how excited men get when a woman messages first. So, do yourself a favor and say something funny, clever, or interesting. Do to men what we want them to do to us.
Now once a conversation miraculously gets going, there is room for improvement in the first few lines. Women, seem to treat online dating like an interview. It is question, after question after question. Whereby men, make a surprising amount of statements. Statements that seem to have no forethought as to where the recipient is supposed to go with the conversation. With women, I can barely keep up with the questions, and have to take a deep breath to ensure I take the time to ask questions back. With men on the other hand, I am constantly trying to fuel a conversation, or fight to keep it flowing.
So here I have but a few suggestions for those initial online dating messages that should work for both sexes, and that is simply to be yourself. The goal is to meet at some point, right? Show some personality, take that ridiculously small risk. You do not know the person on the other end so making mistakes is fine. Test out the waters, test out some messages, try new things, try new approaches and this does not mean practice your small talk! I would strongly recommend that you make a fake profile if you are struggling to figure out what to say. Perhaps you could even try making one for the opposite gender that you are after and then try to have a conversation. You may figure out a style of communication that is attractive and you want to start using yourself. As we are losing the ability to communicate with humans, you may have to fake a scenario to educate yourself and put the shoe on the other foot so to speak. Gain some insight from the other side to recognize what you are most definitely doing wrong if you cannot seem to get conversation going.
So, message someone your interested in, male or female, in a voice that works for you. And please, ladies, keep trying. Keep messaging me, and I will do the same. If we work together, maybe we can have some fun?
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