Online Dating Tips – Dating and Relationship Coaching

Online Openers: Job Interview Rule of Thumb

In Canada, we have a few questions that an interviewer is not allowed to ask, by law. Such things as age, race, gender, smoker, and basically anything that could disqualify a person from completing a task that have nothing to do with ability. As a person who has hired a fair amount of people in my life, knowing that there are forbidden questions allows me to focus on a persons traits, experience, and of course personality fit for the required position. To re-iterate, it allows me to gain insight into them as a worker rather than allowing any prejudices or misconceptions to cloud my judgment. And in today’s day and age, there is zero reason that the same line of thinking should not be extended to an online dating opener.

Opening a message with “are you half black?” or “have you ever been with a well endowed male?” (both real examples from my last week of online dating alone) do not make for very good conversation starters. Not only are these yes or no questions, but they are questions that just don’t have any merit for setting up a first meeting. If these factors are important to who you are as an individual, by all means write about them in a positive way on your profile. But the whole point of a first message is to get a dialogue started. Asking these forbidden interview questions is a sure fire way to stop things before they ever get started.

Don’t alienate something that could be amazing based on your prejudices. In fact, the best success stories often come from taking a risk on someone that is outside of your norm. And the same is true about the hiring process. Pre-determined no’s close us off to new experiences, people, and basically a whole lot of amazing adventures. So retire the notion of just getting something out of the way in your opening message. Try instead an open ended question, and get that other person to start engaging with you rather than shutting you down.

For more online dating tips, please check out my online dating tips blog section!

Guest Post: Finding People in Non-Monogamy

Ever wonder how you actually find other Non-monogamous people? This post goes into some of the best tried and true methods to find like minded non-monogamous individuals. So whether you are looking to Swing, Date, or more, this piece has tips for where the non-monogamous gather.

Click here to read on…

Online Dating Tips, Reading List

Sapiens: A Book Review

Making a great first impression is such an important factor in today’s dating world. And yes, you could chat about what you’re watching on Netflix, by why not wow them, by talking about an incredible book? (which you can purchase right through my site which helps fuel this blog by clicking on the above link) Sapiens is a very simple read, and I pretty much guaranteed that with the diversity of subjects it touches on you will find something engaging to talk about!

For example, did you know where our monetary system evolved from? Or how about the ever interesting subject of why Sapiens are the dominant species? A little too dry for you? Ok, how about just the wonder of exploring why we even exist and what role Cyborgs could play in our future?

A brief history, will touch on something meaningful to you, and give you ample opportunity to show off your intellect far beyond what the latest episode of Stranger Things will. This in an honest and thoughtful look at our evolution and asks some pretty open ended questions in the process.

So, if you are ready to stand out, I would highly recommend Sapiens! And if you really love it, there is a sequel too which I will purchasing shortly!

Happy reading! And of course, happy dating!

Are you ready to kick your dating life into high gear? Why not reach out? I offer one on one coaching, as well as provide a host of resources to give you that edge in the dating market. Contact me today to learn more.

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Online Dating Isn’t a Playground…

Whereby the game is simply to be noticed by any means necessary! Have you ever opened a message with “hey” or “how are you?”. What about sending a funny meme online to a public forum just to get some conversation going? Have you ever matched with someone, only to play the endless waiting game, hoping the person on the other end will message first? How’s that working out for you?

Chances are it’s not, and that you’re still single. And here’s why. Online dating is saturated with people who don’t know how to use it. The singles pool is filled with lonely individuals who are so frustrated that any attention is good attention, even if it isn’t (such as the dick pictures). We become so frustrated that we are single we resort to the playground mentality of being thankful for any human interaction even if it entails being yelled at or blocked. It doesn’t make a lot of sense when you think about it, but misery, depression and loneliness does some pretty weird things to our psyche.

Online dating if done correctly can be an amazing opportunity to meet people. I met my partner on Plenty of Fish nearly 8 years ago. And I have countless friends who are married and starting families all thanks to online dating. And do you know what they all had in common? They weren’t on there just to get attention. They were there with intent and purpose. Meaning, they thought about their messages before sending. They envisioned the reaction they would get, and if it didn’t work (which is never does the first few times), they would re-evaluate, and try something new. By putting the scientific method of hypothesis, experimenting, checking your results and then rinse and repeat until you get it right, many of my nearest and dearest are happily in love.

So stop playing games online. Think before you type something. Imagine the response you want to get, and dating with purpose and intent.

For an easy to use guide on just how to send that first message, and interaction download this easy to use guide today! Or to book an initial consultation for one on one coaching please e-mail, ghislaine9999@gmail.com (In Person and Online Sessions Available).

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Online Dating: The Woman Who Message First

Over the past few weeks I have been getting a large number of messages from women. I am not sure why, but I sure appreciate it. Now that I have a little more information to go off, I am boldly going to make a comparative statement of opening online dating messages. Woman rarely make the first move other than a timid like. This may be why the pool of users on Bumble is so low. And when we do, and I am including myself here for fairness and honesty, it is usually terribly awkward or just plain lackluster. Of all the messages I have received from women the only ones noteworthy are from those just looking to be friends. You see, they have nothing to lose in being themselves. This reality hurts my little feelings. But there, I said it. Woman’s openers when they are looking for anything more than friendship, are terrible. “Hey there”, “you’re cute”, and “I just thought I would say a quick hi” are a few examples.

And while we are on the topic women, “hi” is a terrible opener. I don’t know if we do it just to test the water and see if someone really is on the other end. Or perhaps we are shy. Or maybe just spineless and cannot handle another rejection. But seriously, we can do better. If we expect guys to be clever, to read our profiles and come up with something not copy and pasted, then guess what? We have to give back too. I know how excited men get when a woman messages first. So, do yourself a favor and say something funny, clever, or interesting. Do to men what we want them to do to us.

Now once a conversation miraculously gets going, there is room for improvement in the first few lines. Women, seem to treat online dating like an interview. It is question, after question after question. Whereby men, make a surprising amount of statements. Statements that seem to have no forethought as to where the recipient is supposed to go with the conversation. With women, I can barely keep up with the questions, and have to take a deep breath to ensure I take the time to ask questions back. With men on the other hand, I am constantly trying to fuel a conversation, or fight to keep it flowing.

So here I have but a few suggestions for those initial online dating messages that should work for both sexes, and that is simply to be yourself. The goal is to meet at some point, right? Show some personality, take that ridiculously small risk. You do not know the person on the other end so making mistakes is fine. Test out the waters, test out some messages, try new things, try new approaches and this does not mean practice your small talk! I would strongly recommend that you make a fake profile if you are struggling to figure out what to say. Perhaps you could even try making one for the opposite gender that you are after and then try to have a conversation. You may figure out a style of communication that is attractive and you want to start using yourself. As we are losing the ability to communicate with humans, you may have to fake a scenario to educate yourself and put the shoe on the other foot so to speak. Gain some insight from the other side to recognize what you are most definitely doing wrong if you cannot seem to get conversation going.

So, message someone your interested in, male or female, in a voice that works for you. And please, ladies, keep trying. Keep messaging me, and I will do the same. If we work together, maybe we can have some fun?

Do you want to learn more about how to make a great first impression? Check out my Online Dating shop on Etsy!

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Dating Profiles and Avoiding Negativity

In a previous post I mentioned some things to avoid when it comes to online dating. Now I want to share some useful information I have discovered when it comes to just getting started, and putting up your profile or preparing yourself to go out there and meet people. The very important task of how do you sell yourself is something that successful people put thought into prior to dating. It is important to ask how do you see yourself, what image are you portraying to those people around you, and the toughest one, do these two images actually represent who you want to be.

First impressions are important. Yes, you can overcome a bad first impression, however it is easier to just put a great foot forward on the first try. Who wants an even bigger challenge, when you can get it right the first time? One of the first things I notice online, is if a guy or gal has negativity in their profile. How fantastic is it when you meet someone for the first time and within seconds you get a sob story? This person will become an object to avoid, for fear of being sucked down into that void of bleakness. The same logic should apply when setting up your profile. Do not have a list of things that you hate, and pet peeves, especially within the first few lines. If you can take the time to spell out what you do not like, try putting the same effort into what you do like, or perhaps even love?

Also try to avoid statements that could spark a negative emotion. For example saying that you hate online dating, could make the reader feel guilt for being online themselves looking for love. Or by saying this is the last time you are trying this because women/men are crazy. Come on, this just leaves a bad taste in the readers mouth. What are you going to talk about on your first date? All the horror stories from online dating, finding out all the red flags of a person, only to realize that you found out nothing about a person’s passions, goals or aspirations in life. You need to ignite a positive vibe, come up with something that an onlooker wants to find out more about.

These are not complex ideas, and yet more than half of the profiles I read if they get past the “will fill out later” have something bad to say in them. And once you start getting a few people interested in you that you do not feel the same about, it is easy to start putting up walls to protect yourself. I found my biggest surprise in E when I was online dating. There are great and amazing people on there, you just have to ensure that you are one of them first and foremost.

Do you want to learn how to make a fantastic Online Dating Profile? Click here!

If you liked this post, and want to read more, please check out Breaking Away From Monogamy blog.

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Pre Christmas “Single Shopping” by K-Ghislaine

I read a statistic the other day, that 2 weeks before Christmas is the time when most breakups occur. This makes a whole lot of sense. Consider that you have been a little unhappy for a while, and now have to make the decision to buy someone you are not sure you like anymore a present. Or what’s worse? You have to spend the already stressful holiday times with your crazy family, and dread including that person that now has the most irritating laugh EVER! (Or some equally annoying trait that you no longer want to be in the same room with). Well, better to just end things quietly before it gets too close to the holidays and when you still have time to do some pre-Christmas “single shopping”.

And what is pre Christmas Single Shopping you might ask? Well, quite simply, it is the time for vetting out the person who will be good enough in a pinch. It is the person who looks good in pictures, or just good on paper, whatever you may need at bare minimum. The guy or gall who dresses up nicely and can make polite conversation at a company Christmas party. It is the individual who has been “friendzoned” forever, so will be extra excited at the opportunity to be seen out in public with you. Or maybe, it’s that friendly face on the dating site who messaged you and you didn’t instantly cringe, so now that you’re a little desperate and lonely, well… it is the season of giving right?

It is almost like the speed date. You have two weeks or less before Christmas to make a decision to bring around you maybe partner, or spend the holidays alone. Online dating messages around this time are nice, polite, and just all around easy to read. Or maybe the writers have just all had their rum and egg nog so their barriers are lowered when they scroll through the multitude of pictures. I cannot say for sure, but there is a tone difference in messages.

So if this is a decision you recently had to make, enjoy your newly single shopping. Be nice to your “friendzoned” maybe partner. Be courteous to the new person who is as lonely as you and will scratch your back at your family’s gathering if you scratch theirs. Remember the campsite rule! And who knows, maybe this defenses down chance you’re taking could be the best thing you ever did, and there are many more happy Christmas’ together in your future.

To read more from this author please visit Breaking Away from Monogamy Or if you are ready to break the cycle of single Christmas shopping, e-mail Ghislaine9999@gmail.com and scheduled your first one on one initial consultation.

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

A Good State of Dating Mind by K-Ghislaine

Life can suck being single, what with everyone around you asking if you are seeing anyone, which is just a tad quieter in your mind then when you ask yourself that very same question. Why am I single? As if there something wrong with being on your own, that nagging horrible self doubt plants firmly into your brain. If only there was someone out there who loved me for me, then I would be validated as a person. I am sure you can see where this spiral is going, in a very quick downward direction. And it is very hard for a person to get out of this, because who actually wants to date a damaged person? We look for whole and complete individuals who add meaning to our lives, enrich them and do not burden us.

And as I type these words, I remember all the stories and movies I watched as a child. Whereby the man made the money, and took care of the wife and children. The woman was dependent on the man the instant a ring was put on her finger. And the courtship was so short that woman only had to play the independence game for a few short months. A great example is “The Sound of Music”, where the captain fell in love with the would be nun who stood up to him, then once they were married Maria remarked that she could not ask him to be less than he was. Today we must not only play the game of independence for courtship alone, but master the game because it could take years to tie that knot. And further, once that knot is tied, we cannot revert back to the now myths of childhood, that archaic notion of marriage. Instead we have to constantly spice things up, and keep interesting to maintain a marriage that is longer than a few years. And in order to do that, we cannot be damaged goods, or relationships too quickly become exhausting.

And here is the very basic and original point to this little post, and that is you need to be whole and complete in order to date in today’s world. People are less likely to seek out a fixer upper, or a project. Further we no longer want the responsibility of a less than equal partner. I so often see men and woman seeking a stable, no drama sort of relationship. It sounds cliché, but if you are not able or willing to date yourself, get off the market for other people. Love yourself, in order to properly love someone else.

To read more from this author please visit Breaking Away From Monogamy Or if you are ready to obtain your own Good Dating State of Mind e-mail Ghislaine9999@gmail.com and scheduled your first one on one initial consultation.

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Dating by Avoiding Human Interaction: A Post by K-Ghislaine

I follow quite a few dating coaches and I find myself going through a strange cycle of love and hate. They have a few really interesting points and concepts, and then they write something cliché that nearly loses me. For example, don’t call before 3 days. Or if the guy you are seeing only texts you, you must sit down and tell him that behaviour is not acceptable, and prohibits intimacy. A man who is in love will not so much as think of looking at another woman, he will only have eyes for you. Or, a real man will tell you he loves you every day, and a real woman will show it. Cute, simple and sweet little tidbits of information that have a funny way of making you feel horrible if you don’t follow through with what these experts say the ground rules are. If I sleep with a man on the first date, I have now given him the wrong impression and he will never call me again. He got what these dating experts say he wanted and now he’s done. Does advice like that really seem fair to either party? All it does is plant horrible seeds, and false expectations in each person’s mind. And it takes away our freedom to make connections, or allow us to enjoy where an individual experience leads us.

Obviously, I do not agree with a lot of advice columns out there, Dan Savage being one of the big exceptions. And my disagreement leads me to ponder the bigger questions. Why are we so keen to find quick, formulaic, and often arbitrary advice to interact with someone we are interested in? Why do we feel we need an experts advice to form a bond, make a connection and even just have an introduction with our fellow man? Why this desire for the middle man? Even in the work environment, if you are having troubles finding a job, the advice is to go to a head hunter, a hired professional who will be able to sell your skills to the appropriate employer. Why is our resume and cover letter no longer enough? Instead we need to be verified and backed up by someone else. We seek advice and validation, rather than risk falling on our faces, or making any mistakes in approach. And of course online dating has become a very effective middle man. A way to peruse hundreds of pictures and profiles in order to find out some tidbit of information that catches your eye.

When I was in my early 20’s I would go to the bars to meet new people. People were there to interact, make new friends, have one night stands, and just find that one person who was missing in their lives for the moment or perhaps forever. You were allowed to walk up to a good looking stranger, offer to buy them a drink for the chance to get to know them better. This is now very seldom the case. Bars are filled with tables and chairs, you go in big groups and you do not approach the lady standing next to you at the bar. I have had so many people as of late share this same experience or lack there of. Going out is no longer to meet new people, it is to socialize with those you already know. Why have we become so fearful to interact with our fellow man and potentially make new connections? It seems that no one wants to be single, and yet are missing all the opportunities to go out and do something about it. As a culture we are trained to be fearful of mistakes, falling on our faces or having an embarrassing encounter.

My advice is to stay in your shells, and whatever you do, don’t make eye contact with that pretty thing walking down the street. Do not offer to buy a guy a coffee, or ask someone in the checkout line if they want to go for a drink. Do not try and make connections with a stranger, or take a chance going out on a date with someone completely outside of your normal attraction. Do not join a sports team full of people you have never met and then go for a beer with them after the game. Why? Because it will allow me to stand out. It will keep my game sharp, and make it so much easier for me to have all the fun I want. It will continue to give me the upper hand, and make my confidence level stand out and give me the advantage. So thank you for not taking the time to make a new friend, I am out here making new connections every day, and I love it!

If you liked this post, and want to read more of her thoughts, go to Breaking Away From Monogamy.

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Online Dating: Do and Do Not Top 5 List by K-Ghislaine

Online dating has been and remains a large part of how I find new people to interact with. I have been using various sites for over 8 years, and while I have changed what I am looking for (couples only at the moment) I have created for myself a list of Do’s and Don’t s. Now I acknowledge I can be a little on the picky side, however I have 3 fundamental items that time and time again I will not waver on.

1. Do NOT send a dick picture when online dating…EVER!
This rule is hard and fast without any exceptions. Do not have one in your profile, and do not use your dick as an ice breaker or conversation piece EVER! No one wants to see your random junk. And I like many out there have written a piece or too begging guys to stop this deviant and deplorable behavior, so if you still don’t understand please read this for further insight. (Please note that I love the cock and I appreciate seeing it within the bounds of my relationship. This advice is for online dating and is to be applied until you are in a relationship or have been explicitly asked for one, and even then, I would double check prior to sending a photo of your dick!)

2. I want to see your eyes in at least one photo.
If you have your eyes covered in every single photo I will never meet you, EVER. This is a lesson that I have learned via trial and error. I have given a few guys the benefit of the doubt over the years and have always come home disappointed. Eyes are the most important image to have on your profile, and I have talked to numerous people of all genders and looking for statuses who say the same. Eyes tell a lot about a person and I want to see them before I start chatting and long before I sit down to coffee or a beer.

3. Please for the love of my sanity do NOT have your children, or any child in your profile picture.
I don’t care if you are holding them or if they are so adorable that you feature them with you off in the background. Whatever your intent, it is a bad idea. Online dating is for adults. Your children did not give consent to help you get laid, and I could go on and on about the creep factors associated with this particular picture choice. No matter how important they are in your life, online dating is about you and meeting another person. You would never bring a kid on a first date, so do not use them lure someone in. Just, stop it!

4. Cropping out your ex or scribbling out her face is bad form. Do not do this! If your best picture is of you with your ex, pick up that handy little cell phone in your pocket and take a new one. Better yet, take a shower, get dressed up and get a friend to take a brand spanking new photo of you. But do not have a photo where we can see a ladies arm, or some crappy smiley face pasted over your old partners face. You can do better!

5. Group shots as your profile picture is one of the worst ideas to use. Here’s what happens when I see this. I guess who you are, then I scroll to the next photo, and see yet another group shot. So I guess again and then I scroll only to finally see who you are. And low and behold I am disappointed. Either I guessed wrong, and I dislike losing. Or I see who you are and I am not impressed because my time has been wasted. Is our first meeting going to be with a group of your bros? No? Then put your own photo up first. Do not waste my energy guessing who you are. It won’t end well for you, or increase your status. And really ladies, I must pick on you here too. Your group shots are far worse than any I have seen on a man’s profile. And did you get permission from every lady in the group to post that ridiculous shot of you having so much fun that one time 10 years ago at the club? No? Then just take it down!

And an honorable mention goes to snap chat or filters. It should go without saying that we wanna see you. Not some adorable faun with bubbles that looks oh so delicious. It’s lame and makes you look incredibly immature and just tad dumb. So, be real. Be authentic. And ask yourself how you would react to the photo’s you put up before you activate your profile. Would you want to meet you?

If you liked this post, and want to see more like it, please check out Breaking Away From Monogamy.