Life can suck being single, what with everyone around you asking if you are seeing anyone, which is just a tad quieter in your mind then when you ask yourself that very same question. Why am I single? As if there something wrong with being on your own, that nagging horrible self doubt plants firmly into your brain. If only there was someone out there who loved me for me, then I would be validated as a person. I am sure you can see where this spiral is going, in a very quick downward direction. And it is very hard for a person to get out of this, because who actually wants to date a damaged person? We look for whole and complete individuals who add meaning to our lives, enrich them and do not burden us.
And as I type these words, I remember all the stories and movies I watched as a child. Whereby the man made the money, and took care of the wife and children. The woman was dependent on the man the instant a ring was put on her finger. And the courtship was so short that woman only had to play the independence game for a few short months. A great example is “The Sound of Music”, where the captain fell in love with the would be nun who stood up to him, then once they were married Maria remarked that she could not ask him to be less than he was. Today we must not only play the game of independence for courtship alone, but master the game because it could take years to tie that knot. And further, once that knot is tied, we cannot revert back to the now myths of childhood, that archaic notion of marriage. Instead we have to constantly spice things up, and keep interesting to maintain a marriage that is longer than a few years. And in order to do that, we cannot be damaged goods, or relationships too quickly become exhausting.
And here is the very basic and original point to this little post, and that is you need to be whole and complete in order to date in today’s world. People are less likely to seek out a fixer upper, or a project. Further we no longer want the responsibility of a less than equal partner. I so often see men and woman seeking a stable, no drama sort of relationship. It sounds cliché, but if you are not able or willing to date yourself, get off the market for other people. Love yourself, in order to properly love someone else.
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