Tag: Online Dating

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Online Openers: Job Interview Rule of Thumb

Online Dating Tips

In Canada, we have a few questions that an interviewer is not allowed to ask, by law. Such things as age, race, gender, smoker, and basically anything that could disqualify a person from completing a task that have nothing to do with ability. As a person who has hired a fair amount of people in my life, knowing that there are forbidden questions allows me to focus on a persons traits, experience, and of course personality fit for the required position. To re-iterate, it allows me to gain insight into them as a worker rather than allowing any prejudices or misconceptions to cloud my judgment. And in today’s day and age, there is zero reason that the same line of thinking should not be extended to an online dating opener.

Opening a message with “are you half black?” or “have you ever been with a well endowed male?” (both real examples from my last week of online dating alone) do not make for very good conversation starters. Not only are these yes or no questions, but they are questions that just don’t have any merit for setting up a first meeting. If these factors are important to who you are as an individual, by all means write about them in a positive way on your profile. But the whole point of a first message is to get a dialogue started. Asking these forbidden interview questions is a sure fire way to stop things before they ever get started.

Don’t alienate something that could be amazing based on your prejudices. In fact, the best success stories often come from taking a risk on someone that is outside of your norm. And the same is true about the hiring process. Pre-determined no’s close us off to new experiences, people, and basically a whole lot of amazing adventures. So retire the notion of just getting something out of the way in your opening message. Try instead an open ended question, and get that other person to start engaging with you rather than shutting you down.

For more online dating tips, please check out my online dating tips blog section!

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Online Dating Isn’t a Playground…

Whereby the game is simply to be noticed by any means necessary!  Have you ever opened a message with “hey” or  “how are you?”.  What about sending a funny meme online to a public forum just to get some conversation going?  Have you ever matched with someone, only to play the endless waiting game, hoping the person on the other end will message first?  How’s that working out for you?

Chances are it’s not, and that you’re still single.  And here’s why.  Online dating is saturated with people who don’t know how to use it.   The singles pool is filled with lonely individuals who are so frustrated that any attention is good attention, even if it isn’t (such as the dick pictures).  We become so frustrated that we are single we resort to the playground mentality of being thankful for any human interaction even if it entails being yelled at or blocked.  It doesn’t make a lot of sense when you think about it, but misery, depression and loneliness does some pretty weird things to our psyche.

Online dating if done correctly can be an amazing opportunity to meet people.  I met my partner on Plenty of Fish nearly 8 years ago.  And I have countless friends who are married and starting families all thanks to online dating.  And do you know what they all had in common?  They weren’t on there just to get attention.  They were there with intent and purpose.  Meaning, they thought about their messages before sending.  They envisioned the reaction they would get, and if it didn’t work (which is never does the first few times), they would re-evaluate, and try something new.   By putting the scientific method of hypothesis, experimenting, checking your results and then rinse and repeat until you get it right, many of my nearest and dearest are happily in love.

So stop playing games online.  Think before you type something.  Imagine the response you want to get, and dating with purpose and intent.

For an easy to use guide on just how to send that first message, and interaction download this easy to use guide today!  Or to book an initial consultation for one on one coaching please e-mail, ghislaine9999@gmail.com (In Person and Online Sessions Available).

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Online Dating: The Woman Who Message First

Over the past few weeks I have been getting a large number of messages from women.  I am not sure why, but I sure appreciate it.  Now that I have a little more information to go off, I am boldly going to make a comparative statement of opening online dating messages.  Woman rarely make the first move other than a timid like.  This may be why the pool of users on Bumble is so low.  And when we do, and I am including myself here for fairness and honesty, it is usually terribly awkward or just plain lackluster.  Of all the messages I have received from women the only ones noteworthy are from those just looking to be friends.  You see, they have nothing to lose in being themselves.  This reality hurts my little feelings.  But there, I said it.  Woman’s openers when they are looking for anything more than friendship, are terrible.  “Hey there”, “you’re cute”, and “I just thought I would say a quick hi” are a few examples.

And while we are on the topic women, “hi” is a terrible opener.  I don’t know if we do it just to test the water and see if someone really is on the other end.  Or perhaps we are shy.  Or maybe just spineless and cannot handle another rejection.  But seriously, we can do better.  If we expect guys to be clever, to read our profiles and come up with something not copy and pasted, then guess what?  We have to give back too.  I know how excited men get when a woman messages first.  So, do yourself a favor and say something funny, clever, or interesting.  Do to men what we want them to do to us.

Now once a conversation miraculously gets going, there is room for improvement in the first few lines.  Women, seem to treat online dating like an interview.  It is question, after question after question.  Whereby men, make a surprising amount of statements.  Statements that seem to have no forethought as to where the recipient is supposed to go with the conversation.  With women, I can barely keep up with the questions, and have to take a deep breath to ensure I take the time to ask questions back.  With men on the other hand, I am constantly trying to fuel a conversation, or fight to keep it flowing.

So here I have but a few suggestions for those initial online dating messages that should work for both sexes, and that is simply to be yourself.  The goal is to meet at some point, right?  Show some personality, take that ridiculously small risk.  You do not know the person on the other end so making mistakes is fine.  Test out the waters, test out some messages, try new things, try new approaches and this does not mean practice your small talk!  I would strongly recommend that you make a fake profile if you are struggling to figure out what to say.  Perhaps you could even try making one for the opposite gender that you are after and then try to have a conversation.  You may figure out a style of communication that is attractive and you want to start using yourself.  As we are losing the ability to communicate with humans, you may have to fake a scenario to educate yourself and put the shoe on the other foot so to speak.  Gain some insight from the other side to recognize what you are most definitely doing wrong if you cannot seem to get conversation going.

So, message someone your interested in, male or female, in a voice that works for you. And please, ladies, keep trying.  Keep messaging me, and I will do the same.  If we work together, maybe we can have some fun?

Do you want to learn more about how to make a great first impression?  Check out my Online Dating shop on Etsy!

 

 

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

Dating Profiles and Avoiding Negativity

In a previous post I mentioned some things to avoid when it comes to online dating.  Now I want to share some useful information I have discovered when it comes to just getting started, and putting up your profile or preparing yourself to go out there and meet people.  The very important task of how do you sell yourself is something that successful people put thought into prior to dating.  It is important to ask how do you see yourself, what image are you portraying to those people around you, and the toughest one, do these two images actually represent who you want to be.

First impressions are important.  Yes, you can overcome a bad first impression, however it is easier to just put a great foot forward on the first try.  Who wants an even bigger challenge, when you can get it right the first time?  One of the first things I notice online, is if a guy or gal has negativity in their profile.  How fantastic is it when you meet someone for the first time and within seconds you get a sob story?  This person will become an object to avoid, for fear of being sucked down into that void of bleakness.  The same logic should apply when setting up your profile.  Do not have a list of things that you hate, and pet peeves, especially within the first few lines.  If you can take the time to spell out what you do not like, try putting the same effort into what you do like, or perhaps even love?

Also try to avoid statements that could spark a negative emotion.  For example saying that you hate online dating, could make the reader feel guilt for being online themselves looking for love.  Or by saying  this is the last time you are trying this because women/men are crazy.  Come on, this just leaves a bad taste in the readers mouth.  What are you going to talk about on your first date?  All the horror stories from online dating, finding out all the red flags of a person, only to realize that you found out nothing about a person’s passions, goals or aspirations in life.  You need to ignite a positive vibe, come up with something that an onlooker wants to find out more about.

These are not complex ideas, and yet more than half of the profiles I read if they get past the “will fill out later” have something bad to say in them.  And once you start getting a few people interested in you that you do not feel the same about, it is easy to start putting up walls to protect yourself.  I found my biggest surprise in E when I was online dating.  There are great and amazing people on there, you just have to ensure that you are one of them first and foremost.

Do you want to learn how to make a fantastic Online Dating Profile?  Click here!

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