Tag: Good Dating State of Mind

Blog Post, Reading List

Everything is #@%!ed [Book Review]

One of the key tenets that I tell my clients is that you need to be in a good dating state of mind in order to meet someone new.  After reading Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope (which you can purchase by clicking on the book cover and the bonus of fueling this blog), by Mark Manson.  I can now go much deeper with what that means.  Having a good dating state of mind is not about just being positive, and putting your best foot forward.  Instead, it is about being realistic with who you are and having a firm grasp on what hope means to you, and more, understanding that sometimes life sucks and you’re OK with that.

How does that help you find the person of your dreams?  Quite simply, opening yourself up to another person is tough.  And it is even tougher if you are simply putting on a happy face for show.  And being in place where you react with your emotions alone makes you more vulnerable to feeling hopeless when things don’t go your way.

This book is an incredibly simple read, and the third of his three books I have read (so a big fan and I will be doing a review on Models as the number self help book for men I coach!)  If you have ever felt that life is just not fair.  Or that you keep wishing and hoping for good things but they just aren’t happening, then this is the eye opener you need to read.  Learning to accept life as it is.  To be present in the moment, understanding that pain is the universal constant, and that is OK.  And more to the point to give you a direct path to have a better life right now, instead of just waiting for it to happen once you find the one.

As always, Mark Manson talks in a relatable voice, with humour, and down to earth language, even when referencing Plato, Kant, and Nietzsche (which is not easy to do).  So I highly recommend this book as an integral part of getting your best self out into the dating scene!

Blog Post, Online Dating Tips

A Good State of Dating Mind by K-Ghislaine

Life can suck being single, what with everyone around you asking if you are seeing anyone, which is just a tad quieter in your mind then when you ask yourself that very same question. Why am I single? As if there something wrong with being on your own, that nagging horrible self doubt plants firmly into your brain. If only there was someone out there who loved me for me, then I would be validated as a person. I am sure you can see where this spiral is going, in a very quick downward direction. And it is very hard for a person to get out of this, because who actually wants to date a damaged person? We look for whole and complete individuals who add meaning to our lives, enrich them and do not burden us.

And as I type these words, I remember all the stories and movies I watched as a child. Whereby the man made the money, and took care of the wife and children. The woman was dependent on the man the instant a ring was put on her finger. And the courtship was so short that woman only had to play the independence game for a few short months. A great example is “The Sound of Music”, where the captain fell in love with the would be nun who stood up to him, then once they were married Maria remarked that she could not ask him to be less than he was. Today we must not only play the game of independence for courtship alone, but master the game because it could take years to tie that knot. And further, once that knot is tied, we cannot revert back to the now myths of childhood, that archaic notion of marriage. Instead we have to constantly spice things up, and keep interesting to maintain a marriage that is longer than a few years. And in order to do that, we cannot be damaged goods, or relationships too quickly become exhausting.

And here is the very basic and original point to this little post, and that is you need to be whole and complete in order to date in today’s world. People are less likely to seek out a fixer upper, or a project.   Further we no longer want the responsibility of a less than equal partner. I so often see men and woman seeking a stable, no drama sort of relationship. It sounds cliché, but if you are not able or willing to date yourself, get off the market for other people. Love yourself, in order to properly love someone else.

 

To read more from this author please visit Breaking Away From Monogamy Or if you are ready to obtain your own Good Dating State of Mind e-mail Ghislaine9999@gmail.com and scheduled your first one on one initial consultation.