Anyone that references Indiana Jones in her bio on her blog page is good in my books, so I thought I would add my two cents to one of her recent posts about the wonderful world of online dating from a single males perspective. Just as her other guest blogger wrote, these opinions are mine. Some may disagree, and that is their right to do so. I may be wrong, but I may also be right…
1. Be Respectful
Being respectful goes both ways, and I will do my best to explain here. As mentioned in her earlier blog post, K-Ghislane said that sending photos of your junk to women is bad form. Now, there are those of you out there that would disagree. Some women actually enjoy receiving said pictures, I happen to know a few of them, but they only like receiving them from their significant other. You know…. the ones that they are currently in some sort of relationship with beyond the cold, emotionless keyboard you’re sitting behind. Hell, I’ve even sent some of those kinds of photos to my partner (when I had one). All you’re doing when you send pics of the junk is immediately putting a woman in defense mode. She very likely won’t respond to many messages that contain those kind of images. You want to see those images, there are porn sites you can visit. You’re ruining the online dating experience for the rest of us. Many women don’t respond to messages because of you, which leads me to my second point about being respectful.
Even though she stole my thunder (I told her that on twitter…. insert eye roll emoticon here), I need to reiterate and emphasize it again. Ladies, please, if a gentleman sends you a very nice, very respectable message, please respond to it. This will satisfy a number of different issues that happen in the world of online dating. Firstly, if you are not interested in the person sending the message, tell them so. 95 out of 100 times, the person on the other end will take it for what it is, move on, and no longer send you message after message after message. For the 5 guys that continue to send messages, that’s what the block feature is for, or report them to the administrator of the site as being harassing. Secondly, I believe that the majority of people in this world have good intentions, and mean well. If you do respond, and strike up a conversation, even though it might not turn out to be “The One” you are meant to be with, you may have met a great friend. Someone that you hang out with outside in the real world. And really, at the end of the day, that should be worth it in itself.
2. Have some recent photos of yourself
So, here we were, chatting for a couple of weeks, had made plans to meet up about a week into our online dating conversation. Everything was going well, on the same page about a number of things. The date was quickly approaching. She was excited, I was excited. It just felt like perhaps we might get off of the online dating site at the same time. I arrived at the pub about 15 minutes early. I like to make sure I can get a table or booth where our conversation can be properly private. I’m sitting in the booth, and I send her a message explaining that I had arrived, and gotten us a booth. A women that looked vaguely familiar walks up to the table and says “Hi Patrick!” My pics are recent, so I’m easily recognizable. I ask who she is, if we’ve possibly met somewhere before. She says “It’s me, Jane!” (name altered for obvious reasons). I pulled out my cell phone and brought up her profile, which was still open from when I had messaged her earlier, showed her the photo of her, and asked her where this woman was? Turns out, her pictures were about 7 years or more old. I politely paid for a drink together, thought I would give the benefit of the doubt, but couldn’t get past the fact that I felt like I had been lied too. Again, this applies to both sexes. I know guys that have pics up from when they were in great shape from playing some sport, but now look like a retired football player. For the love of all that is fair and right, make sure your pics are recent! Safe to say within the last 6 months or earlier.
3. Be on time
This might be just a “me” issue, but please, be on time. If you agree to meet at 7:00pm, be there at 7. Not 7:15 or 7:30 or 8!. In today’s day and age, our time is precious. We don’t have a lot of it to spare, at least I know I don’t most times. And just like I mentioned above about being respectful of one’s messages, respect the other persons time. I completely understand that sometimes things happen. Traffic might be really bad because of an accident on the route to the meeting place, or maybe you got a speeding ticket (actually this has happened to me). But those are rare situations, and all it takes is a quick message to let the other person know. This by far has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves. 5 minutes is acceptable without a message. Anything more, and I would let the other person know why I was late and my approximate arrival time.
So, there you have it. My two cents. Of course, I’m always open to receiving feedback, and enjoy hearing other peoples stories about this crazy online world we live in. Most importantly though, stay safe out there. Sadly, there are too many stories of crazy people out in the online dating world. Tell a friend where you are going, and message them when you get there and halfway through. I even tell my date to message their safe person at some point in the evening. But that’s just me! And lastly, if you as an individual are not happy with yourself. If you feel that another person can bring you happiness and joy, that they can fill that black hole in your heart and soul, well you shouldn’t be on an online dating site. No one can make you happy and healthy. Only you can make that happen. Get yourself better before you hurt someone without meaning too.
For more insight from our guest blogger, please follow him on twitter @WallPatches