Tag: Dating Advice
I read a statistic the other day, that 2 weeks before Christmas is the time when most breakups occur. This makes a whole lot of sense. Consider that you have been a little unhappy for a while, and now have to make the decision to buy someone you are not sure you like anymore a present. Or what’s worse? You have to spend the already stressful holiday times with your crazy family, and dread including that person that now has the most irritating laugh EVER! (Or some equally annoying trait that you no longer want to be in the same room with). Well, better to just end things quietly before it gets too close to the holidays and when you still have time to do some pre-Christmas “single shopping”.
And what is pre Christmas Single Shopping you might ask? Well, quite simply, it is the time for vetting out the person who will be good enough in a pinch. It is the person who looks good in pictures, or just good on paper, whatever you may need at bare minimum. The guy or gall who dresses up nicely and can make polite conversation at a company Christmas party. It is the individual who has been “friendzoned” forever, so will be extra excited at the opportunity to be seen out in public with you. Or maybe, it’s that friendly face on the dating site who messaged you and you didn’t instantly cringe, so now that you’re a little desperate and lonely, well… it is the season of giving right?
It is almost like the speed date. You have two weeks or less before Christmas to make a decision to bring around you maybe partner, or spend the holidays alone. Online dating messages around this time are nice, polite, and just all around easy to read. Or maybe the writers have just all had their rum and egg nog so their barriers are lowered when they scroll through the multitude of pictures. I cannot say for sure, but there is a tone difference in messages.
So if this is a decision you recently had to make, enjoy your newly single shopping. Be nice to your “friendzoned” maybe partner. Be courteous to the new person who is as lonely as you and will scratch your back at your family’s gathering if you scratch theirs. Remember the campsite rule! And who knows, maybe this defenses down chance you’re taking could be the best thing you ever did, and there are many more happy Christmas’ together in your future.
To read more from this author please visit Breaking Away from Monogamy Or if you are ready to break the cycle of single Christmas shopping, e-mail Ghislaine9999@gmail.com and scheduled your first one on one initial consultation.
Life can suck being single, what with everyone around you asking if you are seeing anyone, which is just a tad quieter in your mind then when you ask yourself that very same question. Why am I single? As if there something wrong with being on your own, that nagging horrible self doubt plants firmly into your brain. If only there was someone out there who loved me for me, then I would be validated as a person. I am sure you can see where this spiral is going, in a very quick downward direction. And it is very hard for a person to get out of this, because who actually wants to date a damaged person? We look for whole and complete individuals who add meaning to our lives, enrich them and do not burden us.
And as I type these words, I remember all the stories and movies I watched as a child. Whereby the man made the money, and took care of the wife and children. The woman was dependent on the man the instant a ring was put on her finger. And the courtship was so short that woman only had to play the independence game for a few short months. A great example is “The Sound of Music”, where the captain fell in love with the would be nun who stood up to him, then once they were married Maria remarked that she could not ask him to be less than he was. Today we must not only play the game of independence for courtship alone, but master the game because it could take years to tie that knot. And further, once that knot is tied, we cannot revert back to the now myths of childhood, that archaic notion of marriage. Instead we have to constantly spice things up, and keep interesting to maintain a marriage that is longer than a few years. And in order to do that, we cannot be damaged goods, or relationships too quickly become exhausting.
And here is the very basic and original point to this little post, and that is you need to be whole and complete in order to date in today’s world. People are less likely to seek out a fixer upper, or a project. Further we no longer want the responsibility of a less than equal partner. I so often see men and woman seeking a stable, no drama sort of relationship. It sounds cliché, but if you are not able or willing to date yourself, get off the market for other people. Love yourself, in order to properly love someone else.
To read more from this author please visit Breaking Away From Monogamy Or if you are ready to obtain your own Good Dating State of Mind e-mail Ghislaine9999@gmail.com and scheduled your first one on one initial consultation.
I follow quite a few dating coaches and I find myself going through a strange cycle of love and hate. They have a few really interesting points and concepts, and then they write something cliché that nearly loses me. For example, don’t call before 3 days. Or if the guy you are seeing only texts you, you must sit down and tell him that behaviour is not acceptable, and prohibits intimacy. A man who is in love will not so much as think of looking at another woman, he will only have eyes for you. Or, a real man will tell you he loves you every day, and a real woman will show it. Cute, simple and sweet little tidbits of information that have a funny way of making you feel horrible if you don’t follow through with what these experts say the ground rules are. If I sleep with a man on the first date, I have now given him the wrong impression and he will never call me again. He got what these dating experts say he wanted and now he’s done. Does advice like that really seem fair to either party? All it does is plant horrible seeds, and false expectations in each person’s mind. And it takes away our freedom to make connections, or allow us to enjoy where an individual experience leads us.
Obviously, I do not agree with a lot of advice columns out there, Dan Savage being one of the big exceptions. And my disagreement leads me to ponder the bigger questions. Why are we so keen to find quick, formulaic, and often arbitrary advice to interact with someone we are interested in? Why do we feel we need an experts advice to form a bond, make a connection and even just have an introduction with our fellow man? Why this desire for the middle man? Even in the work environment, if you are having troubles finding a job, the advice is to go to a head hunter, a hired professional who will be able to sell your skills to the appropriate employer. Why is our resume and cover letter no longer enough? Instead we need to be verified and backed up by someone else. We seek advice and validation, rather than risk falling on our faces, or making any mistakes in approach. And of course online dating has become a very effective middle man. A way to peruse hundreds of pictures and profiles in order to find out some tidbit of information that catches your eye.
When I was in my early 20’s I would go to the bars to meet new people. People were there to interact, make new friends, have one night stands, and just find that one person who was missing in their lives for the moment or perhaps forever. You were allowed to walk up to a good looking stranger, offer to buy them a drink for the chance to get to know them better. This is now very seldom the case. Bars are filled with tables and chairs, you go in big groups and you do not approach the lady standing next to you at the bar. I have had so many people as of late share this same experience or lack there of. Going out is no longer to meet new people, it is to socialize with those you already know. Why have we become so fearful to interact with our fellow man and potentially make new connections? It seems that no one wants to be single, and yet are missing all the opportunities to go out and do something about it. As a culture we are trained to be fearful of mistakes, falling on our faces or having an embarrassing encounter.
My advice is to stay in your shells, and whatever you do, don’t make eye contact with that pretty thing walking down the street. Do not offer to buy a guy a coffee, or ask someone in the checkout line if they want to go for a drink. Do not try and make connections with a stranger, or take a chance going out on a date with someone completely outside of your normal attraction. Do not join a sports team full of people you have never met and then go for a beer with them after the game. Why? Because it will allow me to stand out. It will keep my game sharp, and make it so much easier for me to have all the fun I want. It will continue to give me the upper hand, and make my confidence level stand out and give me the advantage. So thank you for not taking the time to make a new friend, I am out here making new connections every day, and I love it!
If you liked this post, and want to read more of her thoughts, go to Breaking Away From Monogamy.